Sharing

We came into this world to experience things, to grow! We can grow by interdependence in all things.

Here, I would like to share this video with you, with which I was very much impressed. In this video, she says, "Two of the most valuable things we have are time and the relationships with other people".  

Subconsciously, we want to get other people to listen to us; we want to know we are not alone; once we know that we are not alone, our heart will open wide and we will be able to send our love to others. This sharing board has proved that, I suppose. 

Following is an experience I had with my neighbors last Sunday. It snowed here (one of Tokyo metropolitan regions) on Saturday, all day long until mid-night; we had about 30cm of snow. When it snows this much (even if it is 10cm or less), we have problems in walking, transortation aspects, etc., as we are not familiar with snow.

So next morning(on Sunday), some neighbors gathered and started snow shoveling in front of the houses to avoid ice forming and to prevent slipping and falling. They were shoveling out NOT ONLY in front of THEIR OWN houses, BUT OTHERS. I also participated with them.
I heard one of them say that he wanted to do this shoveling, because he and his family owea lot to the neighbors everyday. His words made me feel warm.

Yes, we are not living alone. We owe a lot to other people in many ways.
Maybe this sense of gratitude creates a beautiful tie between people, and it brings happiness and peace to people and then to the community.

Looking at this from the global perspective(well...universal level), there is nothing we possess in this universe but we share the same boat called Spaceship Earth. So living with this sense of sharing with gratitude will bring our world peace, I think.  When I think of all this, I can't help wishing that people would stop fighting and start sharing this world peacefully.

A matter of choice

I recently read this post, this 'honk if you're happy' story.
Oh well, how I love it! How I share the foundations on which it is built.
In Ann's words:
“Honk if you are happy” is in reality: “To BE happy — honk.”
And “Give thanks if you are joyful” is in reality: 
“To BE joyful, give thanks.”
Of course you should read the whole story to understand this quotation fully. But that perspective we give to things, the way we envisage life: it is all based on how full our hearts can be, how focused our minds are, how wide our arms will open.
You can't be happy if you don't want to be, if you don't decide to welcome the flow of events and emotions life has in store for you. If you don't, you quite simply block the way to any goodness that may befall you.
I've read a lot of books and poems and texts on gratitude, and way more about 'positive way of thinking', and it keeps growing on me.
Feeling thankful is really acknowledging the good we have, it is understanding that whatever hardship we might go through, there is good too. It is accepting to let the light shine in, it is coming to a standstill to take time to let that beauty sink in. It means being aware of what surrounds us, accepting the possibility of improvement, happiness, bliss. Accepting to move forward.
These last months, I've noticed how sunsets were amazing on my way to work every morning. The nuances, the sun going up, the mist, the landscapes draped in robes of fire and ice, the solemn sleepliness of my small country town, the amazing order of things that allows thousands of lives to quietly run errands and hang out peacefully. It was as if Nature was calling out, reaching out to me, telling me how much there was not only to see but admire. A good way to start my work day, a hearty chunk of beauty and peace...to remind me that my life is here and now, that joy and serenity can prevail upon stress and aggressiveness, that slow is better than quick, that if you want to be joyful you need to take the time to see the joy. Maybe you can even spread it.
It is in our thoughts, our minds, our hearts: the possibility of being happy. It is in the process. It sometimes requires efforts, or at least a mindset. Sometimes it is focusing on the present, letting go of both past and future, to nestle in what our life can give us, second after second.
Of course if we could just live without ever thinking, or better, if we had children's magic ability to be in the instant and grasp happiness wherever it is/wherever we generate it, we might not need to make this conscious choice. But as we do think a little too much, we should wake up every morning thinking first about how we want this new day to unfold.  Wishing you to make the best of choices, every day :)

Centering myself

I am glad to say that I was lucky enough to have met Val in this blog world.
Reading her previous two posts, I feel that it is getting stronger.
I have the same view as her.  Comparing ourselves with others and feeling bad boesn't achieve anything.
The same can be said of our children; comparing them to other children and pushing them will not accomplish anything.  The important thing is accepting ourselves for what we are or accepting them for what they are and also loving ourselves and loving them. That brings us confidence and peace.  If you accept them, they will accept you.  If you love them, they will love you.

There is something I do regularly these days.  That's "centering myself"; it's like a kind of meditation.
First, I focus on the center of my heart.  Next, I imagine letting my mind empty as much as possible, and imagine filling my center with something that makes me feel happiness, peace and love (such as nature, sunlight, animals, birds, etc.), for about five minutes in the morning.  Then, it's funny, I find myself filled with love, and I can handle anyone or anything, with a smile and without any negative feelings.  If possible, I do this in the afternoon and also before going to bed, focusing on feeling love at the center of my heart.

"Walden; Or, Life in the Woods" by Henry David Thoreau is a book I read when I was young and I loved it.  I would like to share the following quotes from this book, because whenever I read this book, I deeply feel centering myself is important:

Let us spend one day in the same slow way that nature spends it. Let us rise early without hurry or rush.
Let us not get excited over the small things that lie in our way. Let company come, let company go.
Let children cry, let bells ring.  But we will still have our day.

Let us be steady and stable. Let us plant our feet on the hard rock of the earth. Let us not get caught up in the mud and mess of opinion and prejudice and tradition and delusion and appearance, wherever we find it.Whether it is religion or politics or poetry or philosophy, let us find the place we can call reality, where we can simply say, This is.

If you stand in front of a fact, face to face, you will see it shining with the light of the sun.  You will see it shining with the light of the sun.  You will feel it in your heart of hearts, and you will then be happy to end your time on this earth.  Whether in life or in death, what we want is reality.  If we are dying, then let us face that fact.  If we are alive, let us go about our business.

Time is a stream I fish in.  I drink its waters.  As I watch the thin current flow by, I see how shallow it is.  Only never-ending time remains.  I would like to drink deeper.  I would like to be as wise as the day I was born.

My deepest feeling tells me that my mind is a tool for digging into the heart of things.  It digs deep until it gets to the secret center.  I do not wish to use my hands.  My mind is my hands and my feet.  My mind wants to dig its way through these hills.  Gold is to be found there, and Walden is where I will begin my search.

I am enough

I have enjoyed Sachi's last posts so much, and there is a lot I want to write about my own country's traditions too. Yet today I want to share this bold statement above: I am enough.

There couldn't be a bolder statement for a person like me, and maybe for a person like you, too?

Yet this is something that has grown on me over the last few months, and something that has taken a more precise, definite shape, tone and meaning since I've started reading Brené Brown's book The Gifts of Imperfection.

The subtitle in itself will tell you a lot: 'Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are'. That says it all (almost!), folks!

 These last months, what with health worries, personal challenges to face, and beloved ones to take care of,  I've had to slow down temporarily my pace, I've had to accept the reality of time that passes, the necessity of simplifying daily routines. I've found out that sometimes one trying moment paves the way to an energizing one, that troubled times can lead to another era, a better one. I've had to admit that I had to take care of myself too, if not for me, for my family's sake. And then I started reading Brené Brown's book and I thought, 'oh my God, she is right!'

It all boils down, really, to the simple fact that we are enouh, no matter how much we accomplish. It is not about giving up and becoming slothful creatures; it is about acknowledging our worth. For me it spells out what I've been discovering on my own: I don't need to overdo it or be a super mom/wife/friend to be worth something. I don't have to earn the love I can receive.

The way we are brought up, the pressure society puts on us, all this leads us to fight for worth. Plus, I've been a perfectionist for so long. Now I realize perfectionism can stem from an unfocused vision of our objectives. As the author points out, perfectionism often isn't self-focused (how can I improve?), it is other-focused (what will they think?). It usually lies on the belief that if we are perfect, we will minimize the pain of being criticized or judged. As she points out too, this is a lost battle. You are never going to be totally perfect or avoid all negative comments. And you won't avoid the pain of being judged either. Approval, recognition, acceptance, those are not to be looked for in the first place.

Brené Brown also insists that 'we are a nation of exhausted adults raising overscheduled children'. We forget our natural, biological rhythms. At the end of her work she explains how she and her husband made a practical 'joy and meaning' list (the things that made them happy, basically) and a 'dream list' (things to accomplish). Here is what she says, when they compared both lists: 'we realized that by merely letting go of the list of things we want to accomplish, we would actually be living our dream - not striving to make it happen in the future, but living it right now'. As she says, this is rather counterculture. We produce, we consume, we accomplish, we race, we compare, we aim at perfection and achievement. She and her husband decided to cut down on extracurricular activities for their daughter, to work less (and earn less, but gain time as a consequence). 

This makes my heart full because this is how I and my husband have chosen to live. I have made the unpopular decision to allow my kids to have only one activity outside school. At home, we sleep late when we can. We linger, we play, we talk, any time we can. We cook. We read. We take care of our garden.

I don't want to rush my kids from school to class, from here to there. I don't want to rush myself. I don't want to earn money at the expense of the time spent with my children. I can't be bothered with having the coolest clothes and acitivities. As Brené Brown writes: 'What if we're normal and quiet and happy? Does that count?'

No judgement here. Some families might have the logistics to do otherwise. Or some may be happier otherwise. But normal people should be valued too. People who take time, don't exhaust themselves, don't earn tons of money, don't learn 6 languages and get the highest scores at whatever they do.

I love to read that what matters in our lives is not what other people think or say or value.

It might sound simple, but it isn't that simple, both as a concept and as a reality.

I have often exhausted myself, I realize that now more clearly than ever, to gain acceptance or approval or affection or consideration. Yet, I am enough.

Most of the things I've done, I'd do again. But for many of them, I'd change one thing: I'd leave other people's comments and criticism out of the picture. And of course there are a few things I'd skip altogether. This makes choices and connections much easier. This helps acknowledging and accepting other people's opinions. This helps trusting oneself.

The beauty of this is that it works both ways.

Everyone else is enough, too. Any kid, any adult, however cool or uncool they are.

Any dude, with or without cool accessories or great achievements, is equally enough.

This leaves mighty room for simple enjoyment.

That yin-yang thing

I am not very yin-yang literate. I mean, I don't know too much about it.
But it has fascinated me for ages, this concept of interconnectedness, the fact that opposites are not really opposites. The fact that we need both.
From the experience I've had so far (very recent experience, and older experience too), I have gathered already that from darkness arises light. I've noticed that bad moments, feelings, worries, tend to enhance so beautifully, so vividly the beauties of our life.

The closer hardship gets, the more me value and cling to what's solid and pretty. To the love in our life. We cry, we fight, but how we savour those little drops of happiness.
It's sometimes called resilience. It's sometimes called seeing the silver lining. Cynics would call it brain-washing or wishful thinking, and people of faith would see God out there. Kelly Hampton hosts a blog I've come to love for her ability to see the good, the beauty. Or to look for it. Today she calls it 'service recovery'.

I share all of this. I dig beauty. I dig the search for it. And I dig how days of ugliness bring me closer to it. There is after all so much light. And it's a shame we so often forget to see it or feel it deep inside, for lack of time and for the sake of endless errands. I believe we should spare a minute everyday to stop, stop everything, breathe and remember. Remember to pick up that light.

Growing

I've been drawn for ages to books on personal development, telling stories of personal trials and crusades, travels of the mind and growing of the soul.

Recently I've read the Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. It is a delightful book, I've had fun following the ups and downs, pros and cons of Gretchen's quest for happiness, or rather, her year spent on how to allow her own personal happiness to grow and expand. I share with her the opinion that happiness profits from being taken care of. Some people will think happiness follows a different path and needn't be directed. They will think that the minute you think of happiness, it is already half gone. Well, not for me. I've read various books that have given me an insight on happiness. I think one life is not enough to gain much knowledge about life itself: reading books (for example on  happiness) helps me gain a little time, a little insight from people who went through things I haven't, who have different opinions. I am all the better from their effort to share their experience and thoughts.

One thing struck me in G. Rubin's book: one passage about growing. It has been written about, it has been studied: some people derive a huge amount of happiness from growing, that is expanding their knowledge, developing their conscience. I do! I do get such satisfaction from accomplishing something, from the feeling that I have made some progress, taken up some challenge, or simply seen the end of a task. I also get consolation from thinking that growing old can mean growing wiser, growing better. Unfolding. Expanding. Learning. Improving.

The Happiness Project is now sitting on a precious shelf of mine. I am grateful that it has allowed me to distinguish more clearly one of the things that prompt me to be happy: the opportunity to grow.

Soon I'll share some thoughts on another book I'm finishing (see photo above!) and that has delighted me in many, many ways.

Peaceful, beautiful day to you all!

Val