Quick DIY furniture makeover...and some thoughts about how less is more!

Very often, I stop in my tracks and consider whether that trip to the mall is actually the best or smartest move.
Very often I end up using leftovers, or whipping up a quick DIY project, and this leaves me a sense of satisfaction and fulfilment.
Let's be clear, I'm a girl and I love the occasional trip to shopping places.
But for a few years now, precisely after an emotional shock (the loss of my dad) and later a shift to a new condition/status (parental leave), I started pruning, decluttering,stashing away, while intentionally keeping the most precious and meaningful. And I haven't stopped loving it.
Decluttering actually seems to automatically open new spaces in my mind. It freshens up my brain while freshening up the space I live in.
This week I stopped again in my tracks. I gave up grocery/errands shopping; instead I cooked pasta and spotted a set of shelves abandonned in a corner of the attic.

I also decided to give up my tendency to wait for the best material/best moment/best fit. Better done now than possibly perfect in an indefinite future!
These shelves didn't have a particular style. They had protruding elements on the top (to allow for the addition another shelf).

I then moved to my little boy's collection of Legos. Although he loves them, he didn't play too often with them. Mainly because they were heaped in a box, where it was hard to sort them out, where they were an indefinite mass of items. Kids need to have easy access to their toys. They need to be able to go through them without drowning in a pile of objects. They need a place to play with them. Sometimes just a little teeny tiny spark to set new games in motion. They need to be able to see what they have. Not to invest time in choosing and sorting through more toys than they can deal with. Excess induces stress not only with adults. Kids too, need space to breathe and relax, feeling free for creativity and imagination. And fun. And dreams.

So I took out all my boys' Lego blocks. Simply hot-glued a selection of them on the higher shelf (one layer), along the whole perimeter, and on one fourth of the bottom shelf (following my boy's instructions, as he wanted a small garage). This reduced noticeably the number of Lego blocks and allowed new playing space to play with the remaining mobile Legos.
It was also the occasion to set aside a few toys that were broken or outgrown.
In addition to that, it allowed me to finally create a kind of Lego table. I had seen some of those for sale, at a very high price. This one didn't cost me anything!

It was also fun to make, and all my kids engaged in the process, some simply watching, some selecting the Legos to glue, and some giving directions! ;)
But the best part is that since this quick DIY furniture makeover, they have spent hours playing with my boy's Lego blocks. The little cars have found their place on the middle shelf, and I have customized the blue container that is now officially and obviously the box for Lego toys!

How many heartaches?

How many heartaches in their life, I wonder?
Feed and educate them, I can; clean their clothes, encourage them, teach and pamper, I can.
Protect, I can only a little. And as they grow older, spread their wings and fly away, it will only get more difficult, let alone impossible.
And I wonder, how many heartaches? How many falls, blows and injuries, tears and disappointments?
I can do so much in their young lives, and yet, I cannot stop them from being hurt by the insensitive, the manipulative, the gross and the selfish.
It took me ages, as a truly candid and confident individual, ages to realize how some people think and behave along particular lines of interest. How some people can act in the name of love or friendship in order to achieve their goals. How some people can therefore use the good in you and then ditch you, how insensitive and opportunist some of them can be.
I have had a few friends who turned out to be interested in me only for the help or connection or support I could give them. For a long time I gave unconditional affection and faith to people who didn't deserve that. Only to feel the pain of being left alone, only to feel the nastiness generated by jealousy or greed or selfishness. Was I innocent? I slowly recovered from heartless friends and made fewer but better connections. I chose not to close my heart, but surely I became more cautious and less spontaneously trusting.
Now, I've had the opportunity to see the friendly connections my kids make, and how, in their turn, they so genuinely and spontaneously love their friends. And how the love and affection we give sends us over the moon and makes us fragile at the same time.
And I watch...and see the cuteness, the innocence, the beauty. Alas from the grown-ups who try to control their kids' lives, I also see manipulation and opportunism, competition and jealousy. In older kids I sometimes see the seeds of rivalry and aggressiveness.
And I am left with the helpless knowledge that my beautiful children will also come across those heartaches.
Not only any mother, but any woman with motherly feelings will know how it feels. The fear and the anger beginning to groan and moan deep inside, when our sweet beloved little one is faced with darkness. When we see them starting to doubt, hoping in vain, being disappointed, or sometimes worse, being hit or insulted or harassed. Or when we see them ignorant of the manipulation or arrogance around them.
A mother's life is made of these fears too. I want to use my past experiences, good and bad, to become a better person. All those heartaches in a lifetime must mean something. Maybe simply the assurance that worthless people make good people even better. That building a beautiful life for my family and me, means loving every minute of it and acknowledging every minute of it. Including the ones that hurt. Because if you survive them while keeping a good heart, you'll only get stronger and wiser and happier. You'll be a free individual. Because you've got to accept the bad as well as the good, and draw your own conclusions and walk your own path.

What competition?

Do you sometimes feel it, I wonder? Do you sometimes feel

The competition? The race? The urge? It comes in a sly package,

Wrapped with pretence and excuses, it comes also

With temptation, stress, it is never far.

As a mother, it hurts far more than it did before,

Before being a mum. I've known competition

For my work, my studies, I've known it also

In more personal domains, disguised as rivalry,

Lack of self-confidence, hesitation, fear. But it never

Was a big deal. I sometimes joined in, when I had to,

And that's that. But as a mother, it raises new questions

About my children, myself, and the world.

This world I live in, where cherished creatures make their 

First steps, stumble, and soar and dance again. And I see it,

At school, at riding lessons... whenever kids innocently

Engage in a new activity, learn and have fun, I happen to hear it:

Comparing, pushing up the limits, encouraging the fight, asking

Only for the very best. But is being the best at anything

An aim in itself? Don't get me wrong, I love a healthy competition

Where the adrenaline never wipes out friendship and pure enjoyment.

But I believe the only competition that's worth is the competition

With oneself...

One of my kids is learning how to swim these days, and I see it again,

Those parents pushing, asking their kid to be the first, throwing babies into the race.

But is life a race against others? That is of course not how

I see it myself. I do not care whether my little child will be 

The best of her swimming class, what I do care about is

Whether she enjoys it, whether she learns and makes progress.

I do not want her to focus on what others do or don't do, I love to see her

Participate, improve, be brave and laugh, and that's how every day, like my other kids,

She grows a little more independent, that's how I hope she and I

Remember that we are all different, that all accomplishments are fine and complementary,

That it doesn't take us very far to compare with others or try to be someone else,

Because really, improving and getting better is nothing without true enjoyment,

And the only competition there might be, is taking place within our bodies and minds.

 

Heaven on Earth

I really wanted to share some thoughts about this book, Heaven on Earth, A Handbook for Parents of Young Children, by Sharifa Oppenheimer.
I believe this can be an interesting read even for people whose children are grown-ups or people who don't have children, because the writer shares her vision of Life, a vision that allows peacefulness, gentleness, harmony with the world around. A vision that insists on the importance of rhythms, on the creativity that lies in each of us, on the communication we should have with Nature. Of course for people who have young children, I believe it is a mine, a treasure trove brimming with ideas and tips and constructive advice.
I've been reading this book passionately, underlining passages, writing notes, saying 'ah yes', 'that's right', 'this is true' and so on!
For one thing, Sharifa reminds us that bringing up children relies on ourselves. If we want our children to be more relaxed, creative, healthy, we need to listen to our own rhythms, to resort to our own creativity. I could not agree more with what she writes about simplifying, one of my key hobbies! :) As she points out, 'the less "stuff" we have to deal with, the more time we have to be at ease'. I do love chapter 9 too, entitled 'Creating your Family Culture'. I guess that's something that started the day I knew I was pregnant for the first time. Still, this is something that takes time and involves knowing oneself. Sharifa Oppenheimer writes: 'The quality of our family culture pivots entirely upon the awareness we bring to it.  Let us bring as much consciousness to this process as we can'. Yes, that is indeed something I want to dig into, something I want to expand and let bloom...
Well there are so many passages I couldn't agree more with! I've been so happy to read about the writer's opinion concerning the excessive amount of time spent watching TV...about the importance of the senses and movement for children...about the necessity to stop hurrying!
Reading this book has been like meeting a true friend. Knowing it is there on my shelf is indeed like having a friend nearby whose advice is gentle and safe. And it also feels good to read so many things I've had in mind, and to see that I'm not the only one out there thinking along those lines!

Val

Know yourself

I really don't know where this blog is heading to, but I love the idea of writing about how and where I find  beauty in life.

If I ask myself what is beauty, I won't be able to give a proper answer. Because Beauty, after all, will be different for each of us. Different, and yet with a common grasp of the basic things that mould and shape our lives. Call them love, friendship, emotion, passion, growth, motivation...

But really, beyond this common grasp of things, it all gets haywire, ecclectic, blurred, it is all funky, isn't it? If we want to find beauty in our lives, we've got to know what matters for us. And that is the trouble sometimes, beause we don't always know what really matters for us, until it is gone, or until a great shock makes us realize it, or until we get much older.

It takes, I believe, some serious thinking. And it also requires to follow one's instinct and inspiration. It calls for reading, discussing with other people. It takes curiosity and imagination.

This is something I want to pass on to my kids. 

I try to be very ecclectic in the way I raise them.. We listen to many different sorts of music, we dig classic and hip hop and country and this and that. We tune in to English-speaking radios and sometimes other languages too, so that we are aware of the music of other languages. We read comics, novels, articles, magazines. We talk and talk and talk about various changing subjects. We try to learn and get interested and open to other ideas and forms of knowledge and interest. I try not to shut my kids away from the world, I strive not to be 'anti' or 'pro', even if I, too, have my strong opinions :) I like to remember and tell my kids (well, the eldest at least) that there are, for example, several religions, and also the possibility of no religion, and that it is okay, as long as it resonates with what you feel, and as long as it does not hurt anyone. I like to remind my kids that they are allowed to enjoy and like things that I don't like or enjoy, because well, we are family, but we are all different too. And we are all entitled to be just what we are. Not what anyone else woud like us to be.

And so day by day, I find beauty in knowing myself better, and in doing my best to help my kids know themselves better too.

I picked this image from this place, and I love the way it inspires you not to give up on yourself. Not easy sometimes, but worth the effort.