Monday, October 21, 2013

On taking decisions... and making choices

So recently, I took up a new course on Coursera.
I haven't spoken about Coursera yet. But this web place is absolutely awesome.
If you like to learn and if you are curious, be sure to check it. No, I am not sponsored. They don't know me, but I have tested them.
I have taken Coursera courses already, on gastronomy, the history of Internet, etc. And four weeks ago, I signed up for a C++ course. For those who might not be fond of computing, it's a programming language.
You see, I am an 'artist' deep in my soul. I dream, I often do things out of intuition and feeling. I even went through a huge chunck of my studies with this 'method'. Feeling. Intuition. This is how I live, work, cook, craft. Not that I don't like to think and ponder (I do that all the time, probably way too much!), but I often end up acting like I breathe, without a predetermined plan. I'm also, even if that's close to caricature, much of the literary type, and I suck at anything that's related with mathematics.
So I thought this type of course would boost my neurons; yes, it would stimulate my tired neuronal connexions! :-)  And of course, I am much of a geek too, so I'd have fun and muscle my brain at the same time...
Turned out I indeed had a blast. And spent night, and worse for a family girl like me, during daytime too. I racked my brains, I submitted dozens of papers, did tons of exercises, caught myself doing the assignments over again.
I raced on to respect deadlines, and ended up consuming my whole saturday that in the evening there was no dinner, and the house was in a complete mess!
I had originally taken a decision that was good for me, but the good for me turned out to be outrageously bad for the rest of the family.
With food to buy, sleep to catch up with, kids to take care of, meals to plan and a job that demands lots of preparation, I ended up today shifting from that good decision to a more wholesome choice.
I used what was left of my weekend to cook a real dinner, fly a kite with my kids and drink tea with my daughters in their doll's tea set. Oh yes, I did the washing up too.
Ten years ago, I'd  have spent weeks on this course. Drinking coffee. Talking passionately for hours. Burning the midnight oil. Now I have a different life. Now my decisions affect not only me, but my dear ones. My choices are my responsibility.
I ended the day happier and at peace. But before that, I felt the dark clouds of frustration and bitter disappointment gather round me.
Giving up on this fun thing for me was hard. Finding appropriate leisure for me is not that common: not enough money. Not enough logistic support. And time is not really expandable, is it?
But this is what life is about. Moving on.
Moving along with our life and our choices, making the best of what we have.
And surrendering gracefully whenever necessary, in order to be able to evolve and move to the next step.
Finding contentment in the little things. They always matter. They are always here.
I am moving to the next step, accordingly. I pass on, move, and smile.
Today my fun was made of precious moments spent laughing with my kids. Picking fresh eggs in our recently built chicken coop. And rejoicing in the simplicity of it.


  1. Loved this post! We definitely live in a "me" centered world where we are constantly told we need to take care of our needs and wants first. And yes, that is true to some degree. None of us can function if we don't recharge our own batteries and find ourselves a bit, but times do change and priorities shift. Life isn't just about "me" -- it's about balance, and others, and as you said, sometimes letting go. But it is also a thing of phases and you and I will both have phases filled with much more possibility when it comes to our own desires. Like you, I love learning. One of my most fulfilling phases of life was when I was working on my college degree -- filling my head up with amazing things about humans and how our bodies function at every level, etc. I too have had to surrender some of that passion to support this new passion of establishing a home and family, but it is OK. And there will still be time for many of those things. Lovely post.

  2. It was very uplifting and heartwarming to read your comment, Nancy! Even if it is hard sometimes, it is a privilege to move on for the sake of establishing a home and a family. I am happy, deep at heart, that I have grown and become more aware that the world was not centered around me. And you're right, there will be time for many of those things we love, in the future.