Inter-connectedness

Oh dear, what a grand title...

It sounds a little bit bombastic, yet it means so much, doesn't it?

I wanted to share with you this text I have stumbled upon, written by a great man who passed away recently, Albert Jacquard.

Albert Jacquard, A toi qui n'es pas encore né(e)

In this letter to a future, not born yet at the time of writing, great-grand-child, Albert Jacquart shared a number of beautiful thoughts, as you should expect. It is a moving text (I haven't found the translation in English I'm afraid), and this particular line struck me: "Je est les liens que je tisse [...] C'est à ce niveau qu'il faut situer la révolution nécessaire : chaque membre de notre espèce est "plus que lui-même" par son appartenance au réseau des rencontres." That is to say, in a very approximate translation: "I am the links I create with the rest of the world [...] This is how you have to finetune a necessary revolution: each member of our species is "more than themselves" insofar as they create connections. A. Jacquard says in the letter that we have made so much progress in many domains, yet we also live in an era of massacres, wars and environmental disasters. He says the problem comes from us, because we have a wrong definition of ourselves. The problem stems from the way we behave and treat others, when really cooperation is the only key. If we realize that we are the links we create with others, then behaviours like competition and fighting against our peers appear clearly mad and suicidal.

I was moved by this, and it reminded me, among other things, of some posts by Sachi, mentionning interconnectedness.

The more I think of it, the more it strikes me as the right attitude to be adopted. We are in the same boat. We share the same universe. We all have so much in common. Yet so many humans hurt each other. They fight, often for futile aims and purposes. Yes, I think money is futile as soon as it doesn't serve its purpose in our society (allowing to live with decent food, shelter and education). Well we hurt ourselves when we hurt others. I believe too, in some karma kind of way, that the good and bad things we do come back to us. They show. We really are the links we create (and have naturally) with the rest of the world.

Which brings me to something else I want to share, a song by a guy I love. Great words that reflect great thoughts. Deep soft voice and beautiful articulation.

Grand Corps Malade - Au théâtre

In this song Grand Corps Malade (nicknamed himself Big Sick Body because of an accident that crippled him) compares a human life to a play on stage. He says after all, all plays/lives are more or less alike (with only differences of budget and casting), and when the play gets tricky and complicated, you have to rely on your partners. He says: "n'oublie jamais cet adjectif, théâtre est un art collectif" (3:30-3:35), that is to say "never forget this adjective, the art in a theatre is collective". See, interconnectedness is everywhere to be found.

I wish you to create beautiful, meaningful links.

 

Protecting our planet

I am so glad to know that Val met a lovely family and that her daughter became friends with their daughter.  In the world of the Internet, one click gives us various windows on the world, and if we want, it also gives us the chance to make friends with people all over the world. What a fascinating modern age we are living in right now!

I have thought about using this great tool for world peace for years.  Actually, the reason why I started blogging was because I desired to be some help, even in a small way, to further world peace.  I know that there are many blogs/homepages that have culitvated gathering voices hoping for world peace already and there are many people who support world peace.

Wishing for world peace and healing the earth together...

The other day, one of my friends told me about an article that she happen to read.  

According to her, the message in the article was suggesting that people all over the world pray to heal the earth, at the same time together.  The procedure of the pray is as follows:

1. Imagine a perfect and healthy earth.

2. Imagine the earth full of green, and all of our families full of happiness.

3. Bless the earth for ten minutes.

4. Do it for about ten minutes at 22:00 every day.

The message also appeals to people by the following message:  We are all members of a spaceship called "Mother Earth".  Each of us has different beliefs, culture, and religion.  However, everyone has the same four DNA base structures of ATCG.  We all have the same feelings of happiness or sadness.  At the core, we are all one!  So fighting each other is absurd!  It is sad to see our Mother Earth (our home) being hurt and destroyed.  That is why the earth healing project has been started.

I think this prayer is worth doing.

The weather this summer here was totally abnormal; not only this summer and not only Japan, also the weather throughout the year, all over the world, has been abnormal!  I feel a sense of crisis and some sense of responsibility as a human-being.

As Val mentioned in her previous post, we mothers wish for our children's happiness, now and forever.  

My daughter is a grown-up already, but I still worry about her a lot and it seems that the worrying never ends.  So I wish for world peace and a healthy earth from the bottom of my heart.  Therefore, I have decided to do this earth healing prayer for about ten minutes at 22:00.

Protecting our ocean...

I would also like to share this TED DVD with you.

Her presentation is one of those that urged me to do something to protect our planet.  I strongly feel that now is the time that more people strongly desire world peace and to protect our planet with a unified voice.

Expanding our worlds...

Internet is a most fascinating thing.
Like in real life, the web is full of vanity; like in real life, it is full of beauty.
When I first started looking into the blogging world more particularly, I was searching for precise information. I was in a phase of intense learning on how to cook better, how to organize my home more efficiently. And I googled some key words.
And I stumbled/came across a few blogs, and I started reading instead of only collecting information.
And I started enjoying some of these blogs as much as I loved consulting web sites.
I started visiting a few of them, regularly.
And I became fond of them.
And I became fond of blogging people.
And I became friends with Sachi. 
Our true friendship expanded into another blog, Beautify Pacify.
I discovered different people, different lives, different countries. So different, yet so alike.
There are a few blogs I check on regularly, and Kristel's is one of them. 
She is so talented and does all sorts of beautiful things, I love her blog.
Recently we did a swap, and this swap lead to our daughters corresponding together.
And oh this morning, my daughter received a letter from Kristel's sweet daughter, with the most beautiful little gift inside: Kristel has already used a fabric I sent her, and as I knew she would, she came up with an exquisite creation and even sent a part of it back!

This piece of fabric came from my ancestors. I don't like keeping objects for the sake of keeping them, when I know these things can be better off somewhere else, in someone else's hands. Kristel has proved me right on that point!

There are so many ways the blogging world, like the real world, can enrich and expand our lives.
This is something I didn't know a few years back.
I am glad I know it now.

How many heartaches?

How many heartaches in their life, I wonder?
Feed and educate them, I can; clean their clothes, encourage them, teach and pamper, I can.
Protect, I can only a little. And as they grow older, spread their wings and fly away, it will only get more difficult, let alone impossible.
And I wonder, how many heartaches? How many falls, blows and injuries, tears and disappointments?
I can do so much in their young lives, and yet, I cannot stop them from being hurt by the insensitive, the manipulative, the gross and the selfish.
It took me ages, as a truly candid and confident individual, ages to realize how some people think and behave along particular lines of interest. How some people can act in the name of love or friendship in order to achieve their goals. How some people can therefore use the good in you and then ditch you, how insensitive and opportunist some of them can be.
I have had a few friends who turned out to be interested in me only for the help or connection or support I could give them. For a long time I gave unconditional affection and faith to people who didn't deserve that. Only to feel the pain of being left alone, only to feel the nastiness generated by jealousy or greed or selfishness. Was I innocent? I slowly recovered from heartless friends and made fewer but better connections. I chose not to close my heart, but surely I became more cautious and less spontaneously trusting.
Now, I've had the opportunity to see the friendly connections my kids make, and how, in their turn, they so genuinely and spontaneously love their friends. And how the love and affection we give sends us over the moon and makes us fragile at the same time.
And I watch...and see the cuteness, the innocence, the beauty. Alas from the grown-ups who try to control their kids' lives, I also see manipulation and opportunism, competition and jealousy. In older kids I sometimes see the seeds of rivalry and aggressiveness.
And I am left with the helpless knowledge that my beautiful children will also come across those heartaches.
Not only any mother, but any woman with motherly feelings will know how it feels. The fear and the anger beginning to groan and moan deep inside, when our sweet beloved little one is faced with darkness. When we see them starting to doubt, hoping in vain, being disappointed, or sometimes worse, being hit or insulted or harassed. Or when we see them ignorant of the manipulation or arrogance around them.
A mother's life is made of these fears too. I want to use my past experiences, good and bad, to become a better person. All those heartaches in a lifetime must mean something. Maybe simply the assurance that worthless people make good people even better. That building a beautiful life for my family and me, means loving every minute of it and acknowledging every minute of it. Including the ones that hurt. Because if you survive them while keeping a good heart, you'll only get stronger and wiser and happier. You'll be a free individual. Because you've got to accept the bad as well as the good, and draw your own conclusions and walk your own path.

Centering myself

I am glad to say that I was lucky enough to have met Val in this blog world.
Reading her previous two posts, I feel that it is getting stronger.
I have the same view as her.  Comparing ourselves with others and feeling bad boesn't achieve anything.
The same can be said of our children; comparing them to other children and pushing them will not accomplish anything.  The important thing is accepting ourselves for what we are or accepting them for what they are and also loving ourselves and loving them. That brings us confidence and peace.  If you accept them, they will accept you.  If you love them, they will love you.

There is something I do regularly these days.  That's "centering myself"; it's like a kind of meditation.
First, I focus on the center of my heart.  Next, I imagine letting my mind empty as much as possible, and imagine filling my center with something that makes me feel happiness, peace and love (such as nature, sunlight, animals, birds, etc.), for about five minutes in the morning.  Then, it's funny, I find myself filled with love, and I can handle anyone or anything, with a smile and without any negative feelings.  If possible, I do this in the afternoon and also before going to bed, focusing on feeling love at the center of my heart.

"Walden; Or, Life in the Woods" by Henry David Thoreau is a book I read when I was young and I loved it.  I would like to share the following quotes from this book, because whenever I read this book, I deeply feel centering myself is important:

Let us spend one day in the same slow way that nature spends it. Let us rise early without hurry or rush.
Let us not get excited over the small things that lie in our way. Let company come, let company go.
Let children cry, let bells ring.  But we will still have our day.

Let us be steady and stable. Let us plant our feet on the hard rock of the earth. Let us not get caught up in the mud and mess of opinion and prejudice and tradition and delusion and appearance, wherever we find it.Whether it is religion or politics or poetry or philosophy, let us find the place we can call reality, where we can simply say, This is.

If you stand in front of a fact, face to face, you will see it shining with the light of the sun.  You will see it shining with the light of the sun.  You will feel it in your heart of hearts, and you will then be happy to end your time on this earth.  Whether in life or in death, what we want is reality.  If we are dying, then let us face that fact.  If we are alive, let us go about our business.

Time is a stream I fish in.  I drink its waters.  As I watch the thin current flow by, I see how shallow it is.  Only never-ending time remains.  I would like to drink deeper.  I would like to be as wise as the day I was born.

My deepest feeling tells me that my mind is a tool for digging into the heart of things.  It digs deep until it gets to the secret center.  I do not wish to use my hands.  My mind is my hands and my feet.  My mind wants to dig its way through these hills.  Gold is to be found there, and Walden is where I will begin my search.

What competition?

Do you sometimes feel it, I wonder? Do you sometimes feel

The competition? The race? The urge? It comes in a sly package,

Wrapped with pretence and excuses, it comes also

With temptation, stress, it is never far.

As a mother, it hurts far more than it did before,

Before being a mum. I've known competition

For my work, my studies, I've known it also

In more personal domains, disguised as rivalry,

Lack of self-confidence, hesitation, fear. But it never

Was a big deal. I sometimes joined in, when I had to,

And that's that. But as a mother, it raises new questions

About my children, myself, and the world.

This world I live in, where cherished creatures make their 

First steps, stumble, and soar and dance again. And I see it,

At school, at riding lessons... whenever kids innocently

Engage in a new activity, learn and have fun, I happen to hear it:

Comparing, pushing up the limits, encouraging the fight, asking

Only for the very best. But is being the best at anything

An aim in itself? Don't get me wrong, I love a healthy competition

Where the adrenaline never wipes out friendship and pure enjoyment.

But I believe the only competition that's worth is the competition

With oneself...

One of my kids is learning how to swim these days, and I see it again,

Those parents pushing, asking their kid to be the first, throwing babies into the race.

But is life a race against others? That is of course not how

I see it myself. I do not care whether my little child will be 

The best of her swimming class, what I do care about is

Whether she enjoys it, whether she learns and makes progress.

I do not want her to focus on what others do or don't do, I love to see her

Participate, improve, be brave and laugh, and that's how every day, like my other kids,

She grows a little more independent, that's how I hope she and I

Remember that we are all different, that all accomplishments are fine and complementary,

That it doesn't take us very far to compare with others or try to be someone else,

Because really, improving and getting better is nothing without true enjoyment,

And the only competition there might be, is taking place within our bodies and minds.

 

I am enough

I have enjoyed Sachi's last posts so much, and there is a lot I want to write about my own country's traditions too. Yet today I want to share this bold statement above: I am enough.

There couldn't be a bolder statement for a person like me, and maybe for a person like you, too?

Yet this is something that has grown on me over the last few months, and something that has taken a more precise, definite shape, tone and meaning since I've started reading Brené Brown's book The Gifts of Imperfection.

The subtitle in itself will tell you a lot: 'Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are'. That says it all (almost!), folks!

 These last months, what with health worries, personal challenges to face, and beloved ones to take care of,  I've had to slow down temporarily my pace, I've had to accept the reality of time that passes, the necessity of simplifying daily routines. I've found out that sometimes one trying moment paves the way to an energizing one, that troubled times can lead to another era, a better one. I've had to admit that I had to take care of myself too, if not for me, for my family's sake. And then I started reading Brené Brown's book and I thought, 'oh my God, she is right!'

It all boils down, really, to the simple fact that we are enouh, no matter how much we accomplish. It is not about giving up and becoming slothful creatures; it is about acknowledging our worth. For me it spells out what I've been discovering on my own: I don't need to overdo it or be a super mom/wife/friend to be worth something. I don't have to earn the love I can receive.

The way we are brought up, the pressure society puts on us, all this leads us to fight for worth. Plus, I've been a perfectionist for so long. Now I realize perfectionism can stem from an unfocused vision of our objectives. As the author points out, perfectionism often isn't self-focused (how can I improve?), it is other-focused (what will they think?). It usually lies on the belief that if we are perfect, we will minimize the pain of being criticized or judged. As she points out too, this is a lost battle. You are never going to be totally perfect or avoid all negative comments. And you won't avoid the pain of being judged either. Approval, recognition, acceptance, those are not to be looked for in the first place.

Brené Brown also insists that 'we are a nation of exhausted adults raising overscheduled children'. We forget our natural, biological rhythms. At the end of her work she explains how she and her husband made a practical 'joy and meaning' list (the things that made them happy, basically) and a 'dream list' (things to accomplish). Here is what she says, when they compared both lists: 'we realized that by merely letting go of the list of things we want to accomplish, we would actually be living our dream - not striving to make it happen in the future, but living it right now'. As she says, this is rather counterculture. We produce, we consume, we accomplish, we race, we compare, we aim at perfection and achievement. She and her husband decided to cut down on extracurricular activities for their daughter, to work less (and earn less, but gain time as a consequence). 

This makes my heart full because this is how I and my husband have chosen to live. I have made the unpopular decision to allow my kids to have only one activity outside school. At home, we sleep late when we can. We linger, we play, we talk, any time we can. We cook. We read. We take care of our garden.

I don't want to rush my kids from school to class, from here to there. I don't want to rush myself. I don't want to earn money at the expense of the time spent with my children. I can't be bothered with having the coolest clothes and acitivities. As Brené Brown writes: 'What if we're normal and quiet and happy? Does that count?'

No judgement here. Some families might have the logistics to do otherwise. Or some may be happier otherwise. But normal people should be valued too. People who take time, don't exhaust themselves, don't earn tons of money, don't learn 6 languages and get the highest scores at whatever they do.

I love to read that what matters in our lives is not what other people think or say or value.

It might sound simple, but it isn't that simple, both as a concept and as a reality.

I have often exhausted myself, I realize that now more clearly than ever, to gain acceptance or approval or affection or consideration. Yet, I am enough.

Most of the things I've done, I'd do again. But for many of them, I'd change one thing: I'd leave other people's comments and criticism out of the picture. And of course there are a few things I'd skip altogether. This makes choices and connections much easier. This helps acknowledging and accepting other people's opinions. This helps trusting oneself.

The beauty of this is that it works both ways.

Everyone else is enough, too. Any kid, any adult, however cool or uncool they are.

Any dude, with or without cool accessories or great achievements, is equally enough.

This leaves mighty room for simple enjoyment.

Some ways to live cool

Last time, I wrote that there are other ways to live cool in order to survive the hot and humid summer, but I'm happy to introduce some of them this time.

Most Japanese are likely to feel cool when they look at the flag above.  The Chinese character drawn in red in the middle means "ice" and the one in blue in the bottom represents "wave".  The tiny green objects drawn near the Chinese character represent  a lot of birds flying over the sea.   The wave and houndstooth designs are drawn as a symbol of coolness for Kimono, cotton kimono for summer, and pottery as well.

Morning groly and golden fish in the picture below are also popular design to represent the summer, and they are used for various things dating back to the olden times.

Now, I'll also introduce popular food in the summer. 

First one is shaved ice!  I introduced the flag of the ice earlier, and if you see this flag hung in front of a restaurant, that means you can eat a bowl of shaved ice as in the photo below. Right? You will probably understand it's becoming cool when you see the "ice" flag.

The shaved ice of this photo has combination of toppings; adzuki beans (we call this Anko) with sweetened condenced milk on top, powdered green tea sauce (Maccha sauce), and white bolls made of rice powder.  However, it used to be simpler in the past; there is no topping but only with the sauce of strawberry, melon, and lemon.

They really help you to feel cool, but please be careful not to eat a mouthful of it, or your head gets pounding!

Next one is Soumen, white Japanse noodles made of wheet flour. This is a common dish in the summer.  They are served cold and eaten with Tsuyu, kind of a light seasoning soy sauce. We dip the Soumen into the sauce.  I often make this dish for lunch.  They go down well even when there is no appetite.

The last one is eel (Unagi).  It has been eaten by Midsummer Day of the Ox (Doyo) for a long time...

It is said that Doyo is the name for the special period that separates each four season from the next; which came from the ancient Chinese five elements idea.  In the very hot dog days of summer, we eat nutritious eel, which has been thought as good for our health in the summer.

It is very tasty and makes me feel healthy for sure, but recently, it is no longer readily available.

This Monday was the Ox of the dog day and we were able to eat eel for the first time in a long time, and I've got the energy to update the blog.

Make it cool!

I really agree with making it as simple as Val says.

Year by year, too many things have gathered in rooms. Too many thoughts have been accumulated in minds. Most of them are not indispensable. They just end up sufforcating us. A simpler life gives us space in which a nice breeze can go through.

It's the height of summer right now. You know, Japanese summer is incredibly hot and humid. So we need to contrive some ways to live cool and comfortably to survive the summer. Making the room simple is surely one of them!  Sitting in a simple, clean room and setting a wind chime at the window, it can make you feel a bit cooler. The room full of things won't be very successful.

Space is a crucial point to survive the terrible summer.

Come to think of it, cutting thick plants before the midsummer is my every year task.  After cutting the plants, I plant some blue-colored flowers and cool looking foliage.  Visually, it helps to feel cool.

(By the way, morning glory, bell-shaped flowers, is very popular in Japan as summer flowers.  They open their flowers in the morning and give us their lovely refreshing smiles. We call it Asagao and write in Kanji as "morning face")

Shaping our daily lives comfortably is associated with our blog's main idea, right?

There are many more ways to tell you, but  it would become very long, so I will write them another time.

I hope you all enjoy your summer!

Make it simple

There are tons of things I'd like to tell, say or explain on this blog.

Yet I am wrestling with time and issues and errands and...

You see what I mean... but today, I'd like to share

What these past months have prompted me to do:

Aiming at what is simple.

There are tons of things I am glad I have done,

Tons of things I wouldn't change,

Yet there is one thing, for sure,

That needs improvement with me.

I am a perfectionist, and I wouldn't like

To give up completely on that.

Still, my craving for making things better,

Nicer, my need to improve, beautify,

Sometimes pushes me to do the opposite.

Sometimes I just do too much.

This is me, this is what I am,

And I love it.

I love doing far more things than what I am supposed to do.

But yes, sometimes, it is too much,

Or too complicated,

Or too many things at the same time too.

And even if I get a kick out of it,

Sometimes it leaves me

Bitter, reproachful, or exhausted.

As I mentioned before, I've had a hard time recently.

And the spring months that usually are the sweetest,

Turned out to be the worst.

Yet, I learned a little more about myself,

About my life and the way I lead it.

In my passion for doing well

I forget that you can never control everything,

You can't make everything beautiful or great,

You have to accept to do less,

Accept to say 'No, I can't',

You must let go, let flow,

Stop worrying about what's meaningless.

In short you can also

Make it simple.

I have learnt, again, that too much and too many

Can lead you to be unfocused.

I have realized, too, that

Everything we choose to do

Not only on a philosophical level

But in our daily lives, on a practical level,

Every little thing we do has a consequence. 

Time spent on one thing will not be spent on another,

Therefore it is important not to do everything all the time

And at the same time,

But to choose and focus.

This has meant for me, in the past weeks, less time

Spent on laundry, work and errands,

And more time spent lingering and chilling out

With my beloved kids.

As the photos hint at, I've been blessed

With a little week end near the Atlantic ocean.

And the occean always does this trick on me:

It is huge, it is vast, it is strong,

Yet inspires freedom and simplicity.

And that's the trick,

Simple is Beauty!